Over The Cubicle Chronicles: Get Your Life!

Brooke and Jeffrey have been cubicle mates for close to 5 years now. They would even consider each other friends, but Brooke has been at the company for years and is known as the Company Matriarch.






Everyone knows her, respects her and some even envy her.








"Hey Brooke, you over there?"




"Yes Jeffrey."




"I thought I just saw you out front passing the hotdog cart. I waived and everything. "




"It wasn't me, I've been sitting in here for the past two hours."




"You do have that new silver metallic Toyota 4Runner don't you?"




"Yes Jeffrey."




"Hmm, that's strange, I was sure you waved back too."




Brooke stopped what she was doing, and thought to herself: Same SUV, same color, in front of the building, the wave back...




"That B*^ch!"




"Who, who's a  B*^ch?"




"Mickey, the B*^ch on the 3rd floor! First it was my hairstyles, then my clothes, my shoes, she even started taking selfies posing like me. And I heard she's going on a vacation to the same resort Wife and I just came back from."




"She is a B*^ch!"




"I heard she got a truck just like mine and drives to work to hide if from the snatch man."




"Absolutely shameful," Jeffrey taunted. "She's always been messy!"

Two weeks later....

"Brooke, you over there?"




"Yes Jeffrey."




"Guess who I just saw driving by in a beat up old hooptie?"




"Who?"




"Ms. Messy Mickey."




Brooke laughed, stood up and looked over in to Jeffrey's cube.




"Guess who called the snatch man to repo her life back? That would be me! Yasssss!"

Over The Cubicle Chronicles: Guess What, I'm Dating Someone...

Hi I'm Jeffrey. I'm just your average worker, working for an average organization, living an average life that's shared with my colleague over the cubicle.


Jeffrey recently met the owner of his local fitness club, and they hit it off immediately. They exchanged numbers and Jeffrey patiently awaited that first call or text with baited breath, and then it happened. "Hey, just checking in to see how your day is going."


Jeffrey couldn't believe it. He had sworn off love or ever finding a meaningful relationship. He just wasn't looking or in the market for it, but here it was a text, a "how is your day going?". Surely it must mean something.


So Jeffrey text back, with a pulsating heart, "my day is going amazingly!" And now he waited, staring at the screen on his phone....  And then the chirp of a text coming in, "great to hear that, we'll chat later."  O-M-G.  "We'll chat later..."  When is later, today, tomorrow, next week?


Jeffrey couldn't wait to go to work to share the good, no "great" news with Brooke, his cubicle mate.


"Girl, guess what? I'm dating somebody," Jeffrey told Brooke standing in the entrance of her cubicle.


"Dating somebody? Last week you were talking about you didn't have time to be texting or talking to anyone. Who are you dating, what the hell happened?"


Jeffrey went to his cubicle and got his phone and reappeared in Brooke's cube with his phone in hand and showed her the text.


"It just says "Hey, just checking in to see how your day is going." And you're dating? Get the hell out of here!" Jeffrey took his phone and went back to his cubicle.


"Well it's a start," he said over the cubicle wall as he stared at the text and ignored the constant ringing on the office's main phone line.


"Answer the DAMN phone Jeffrey!"

Surviving A Breakup

The days of laying in bed eating a pint of ice cream or drinking an entire bottle of wine or liquor are over. Look at a breakup as time for reinventing yourself.  Yeah I know it hurts, but very few people have actually died from a broken heart. You can do this, I have faith in you, have some faith in yourself.  Here are a few tips to help you through your breakup.

• Social Media ~ Stop trolling their social media accounts. Do you really want to see them out at festivals, traveling and fine dining, especially if their with someone new? You don't. And stop posting all those pics of yourself having a great time and posting subliminal messages if it's just a ploy to get their attention. Just lay back and be cool. And please, no drunk texts or calls in the middle of the night.

• Feeling Rage? ~ Don't kick the dog or beat up on yourself, hit the gym instead. Take a kick boxing class, go running, hit a tennis ball. You can get in shape while releasing that negative energy.

• Stop Scheming or Stalking to Get Them Back ~ Get yourself back. Resist the urge to drive by their place or show up at their gym when you know they will be there. Avoid those places like the plaque. Stop calling with gloom and doom and death at your door as if you think they'll coming running back to you. They won't.

• Don't Blame Yourself ~ It takes more than one person to cause a break up so feel free to share the blame. Stop questioning yourself with, "If only I had...." Some things were just not to be.

• Ready to Date Someone Else ~ Slow it down and take your time. Keep it casual and whatever you do don't bring up or compare the new Boo to your ex.

Keep in mind that someone might be on the other side of the closed door. Patience my love!

Don't Let These Mistakes Stand In The Way of True Intamacy

Most people want a healthy and loving relationship, otherwise why would they bother?  But not everyone knows how to get it right or how to make it work.

Photo Courtesy of:  Zawaj.com

Here are a few mistakes and how to avoid them (adapted from Dr. Bea M Jaffrey):

• Forgetting Mental Foreplay ~ This is especially true for women. It starts with her mind. Sometimes it can even start days before. But men can get in on the benefits too. Send a sentimental text. Remind  them of the reasons you fell in love with them. Get take-out and have a picnic on the living room floor. Be creative. It's true when they say it's the little things that count.

• Not Being Best Friends ~ I know this sounds cliché but it's true. You enjoy most things better with your best friend. When it's your lover it's the same. They should be your best friend. Take time to laugh together, share with one another and make sex a priority.

• Too Much Pornography ~ Watching porn is okay and sometimes it's a great stimulant and it can be something that you two can do together. But when it gets in the way of or replaces being intimate with your partner then it's a problem. Balance is the key.

• Not Having An Orgasm? ~ This mostly affects women, but men can suffer from it too. Statistics say that 95% of men reach orgasm when having sex with a partner, but only 69% of women do the same (Richters et al., 2006). You may need to employ other practices to reach orgasm. Try out different positions and other types of stimuli to reach optimum satisfaction. Win-Win!

Reach out and touch someone you love today!

Does Deleting Dating Apps Prove Your Committed?

You two meet on a dating site, now your relationship is blooming and going to the next level. Out of curiosity's sake you went back on that site to see if your boo still has their profile page, and bam, "YES" they do.


Do you think that the person you're in a relationship with should delete their dating apps?


Here are a few things to consider:

• Deleting their dating app shows that they are serious about your relationship and shows that they are ready to be exclusive

• It eases the anxiety that they have a wandering eye or are still out there looking for the next best thing

• It's clear that the focus is on your relationship

• When you become intimate and start talking about a future together is the right time to delete those apps

• It frees up emotional space to concentrate on the person in front of you

But remember, just deleting a dating app doesn't delete an account. Take that extra step together.

Do You Snoop On Your Boo?




He left his laptop open while he went to the gym. What the ........?  He said he was working on his taxes. These don't look like tax returns to me.  Who the hell is "Wanna Kiss Ya Mista".

She steps in to the shower and has left her cell phone on the dresser and it starts to buzz. Do you take a look to see who's calling or do you ignore it?  The vibration has it spinning like a top.  I mean who could ignore that? 

The "EXPERTS" say it's never a good idea to snoop on your significant other, and here's why:

• It Makes You The Untrustworthy One ~ Suppose you don't find a thing, now who's the sneak. It's you. When you're snooping your acting on fear, doubt and insecurity.

• Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right ~ If you feel like they're hiding something address it. Let them know that when they take the phone in the bathroom when it rings, or put it on silent whenever you're in the room is an issue for you. See if their behavior changes, or maybe they didn't realize that it was a problem for you in the first place.

• You're Still Suspicious ~ You've checked her emails, you've looked through his phone and didn't find anything. Now what? Is it possible they have a secret phone or a secret email account. You will never be satisfied because if someone doesn't want you to find something, you won't.

• What If You Do Find Something ~ Now your tasked with knowing the information and having to do something with it. If you say something to them, it's pretty much over and if you don't say anything it's over too.

If you feel the need to snoop, look at yourself, look at your partner, and look at your relationship and decide is this something you really want to do. Chances are there a red flags before you get to that point, and keep your eyes wide open, maybe you'll see something without snooping.








Photos Courtesy of:

MadameNoir

Forbes

Huffington Post













Full Disclosure: What to Discuss Before You're Intimate

Photo: "Bite of the Lip" Courtesy of Pinterest

So you think you're in love and you are ready to take the relationship to the next level. Or maybe you just want to get your groove on.  Either way, there are some things you should discuss with your partner before getting between the sheets.

• Status ~ Unprotected sex can lead to some pretty bad consequences, that could lead to Sexually Transmitted Diseases that can cost you your life. So know their status as well as your own. We know that it's an awkward conversation to have, but have the conversation you must.  Make a date of it, go to the clinic together and know your status.

• Pregnancies ~ Want a real blower? Right after having unprotected sex and you haven't used a contraceptive you start to wonder for the next four weeks if you're pregnant. All of a sudden your feeling nauseas in the morning and fatigued during the day. Remember, condoms and birth control are not 100%. So what's your plan.

• Sexual Exclusivity ~ Does he think you're in a monogamous relationship? Do you think you're the only one he's making out with? Have the conversation. It's not about pressuring them about just being with you, it's about making safe and informed decisions. Did they use protection with their previous partners? Are they sexually fluid? These are things you need to know.

• What's Your Preference In the Bedroom ~ It can embarrassing while getting down to the nitty gritty then suddenly your suddenly smacked on your rear end. Hey, I'm not in to that or you might scream "harder!" Whatever your sexual proclivities discuss them before hand or you just might get spanked.

Full Disclosure is key before being intimate with someone. I can be a little awkward but better before the deed than after. Happy Safe Sex!